"Why did I just say that?"
There is not one single human being on this planet who hasn’t at one time or another wondered “Why did I just say that?”, after saying something they would rather not have said.
It really is a phenomenon that people rarely question, and this blog is for anyone who would dare to consider something “outside the box.”
This for example….
If we truly had the will that we believe we have, then why would we say something that we didn’t want to say, especially to our spouses and our children whom we claim to love. Or better yet as Guy Finley puts it “Why do I have the reasons for the absence of character in the moment, but not the character those reasons excuse.”
I asked an acquaintance why they felt we do and say things that we wish we hadn’t, and their response was “Well, we human beings are imperfect.”
Yes, there is a certain truth in that statement, however, will is that faculty of the mind by which we determine either to do or forbear an action, the faculty which is exercised in deciding among two or more objects, which we shall embrace or pursue.
Will is not something that fluctuates as in “sometimes we have it and sometimes we don’t”. Either we have a will or we don’t. And if we look closely at our lives and upon the times where we said or did the thing we wished we hadn’t, it becomes very apparent that there is another will that often lives its life through us.
What is this phantom will?
It is a compilation of past experiences that were never properly reconciled in the moment of their appearance. Those unreconciled parts are like phantom personalities that live inside us that we are unaware of. Being that we are unaware of them, when they are triggered in an unwanted moment, there is a certain shock that takes place within us.
The shock is intended to wake us up, to bring us back into the present moment, and remind us to suffer that old part of ourselves so that something new can be born in us. If we don’t heed that call, then the phantom will automatically acts on behalf of itself, through words, thought or action. This is the place where something is said or done that we wished hadn’t. That phantom will uses our mouth and/or body to do its bidding.
When that happens, another phantom personality is thus created and will “pop-up” again in our lives for yet another opportunity to be reconciled.
So, if we look at it this way….
If we are not present to ourselves, something else speaks and acts on our behalf. And what speaks and acts on our behalf is always to our detriment and not for our greater good.
If we are present to ourselves when these hidden parts are triggered, we can then agree to allow a higher will to do what it always has been working to do moment to moment, and that is to transform those hidden parts into something new.
In looking at this, can you see that either way, we are only instruments of will, but do not possess a will in and of ourselves.
If you are able to reach and see this, then you can see that when the words come out of our mouths that we wish hadn’t, that it simply means that we weren’t attentive and present in the moment and therefore something else spoke for us.
You can’t change what was said or done, but as you start to see what is taking place and how that phantom will operates. You can agree instead to allow a higher part of yourself to work to change you in those moments of trigger - to allow a Higher Will to act on your behalf. The energy from higher intelligence always lifts and transforms. Feeding the energy of the phantom will always feeds negativity, something lower.
Punishing ourselves in the moment that the phantom will operated on our behalf feeds that negative energy. We simply need to see what is taking place and not judge ourselves for it.
Help your child learn to really understand what is actually taking place moment to moment in their minds. The more they understand, the less useless suffering they will add to themselves and to the world at large.
You can give them no greater gift.
Exercise for the week: See if you can “wake up” in a moment where something was said or done that you wish hadn’t, and just wait there…without self-condemnation or judgment. Just watch the tornado of old parts try to push and prod you into feelings of regret and self condemnation.
Image courtesy of: Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels