A little girl brought home a birthday party invitation from one of her preschool friends. Her mother said to me “I’m not sure I want her to go to this boy’s party.” The mom further stated that her daughter complained that this boy was mean to her in class.
When we were driving to school the next day, I asked the little girl to give me an example of how the boy in question was mean to her.
She responded by saying “Well yesterday, I was playing nicely with “Mary” and then “John (birthday boy)” yelled across the room and asked Mary to come play with him. Mary then got up and went and played with him instead of me.”
My response to this little girl was this: “Is it true that John was mean to you? Or was there just something in you that became upset at the fact that your friend chose to go play with John instead of staying and playing with you when he called out the invitation?
I continued to share also that Mary had a choice in that moment when John called out to her. She could have agreed to continue playing with you and not go play with John, but she didn’t. I then asked her “If Mary had agreed to stay and play with you when John called out to her, would you still have considered John mean?” She responded “No.”
In other words, when we get what we want, all is well. When we don’t, we blame others and label them with a scarlet letter.
There are so many subtleties in this lower consciousness that need to be seen so they don’t continue to be brought into this world. I would like to help you see some of those very subtleties.
When one labels another with something such as “John is mean”, that identification is like putting a sticky note on them and one on yourself at the very same time. It creates a certain co-dependency. Every time we encounter that person that we have agreed is mean, the sticky note is always there to remind us – “Remember, he is mean.”
Is it kindness that points a finger of blame? Is it kindness that labels others? No, it is unkindness that does that. It is blindness does that, for it knows not what it does.
Using the same illustration above, let’s say the same little girl (let’s call her Jane) was on the playground playing with friends. One of her friends says to Jane “Oh, I think John is sooo cute.” Jane then responds by saying “Well I think he’s mean, not cute.”
That comment by Jane plants a “seed” of negativity (a sticky note) on Jane’s friend. That seed without being observed, is automatically identified with by the friend. The friend then tells another friend that she doesn’t like John anymore because he is mean. Before you know it, the whole school has the same sticky note on them and has labeled John as mean.
Nobody understands that these beliefs hold each and every one of us in a certain prison. It never allows anyone or anything to change.
When an event happens that we “don’t want”, there is instantaneous negativity that is brought up in us. It is meant to pass through us and not be identified with. However, most of us don’t understand that. As such, unkindness is what manifests in the moment.
Who in this world hasn’t acted from unkindness? Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone. Is it true that certain people are in more pain than others? Yes. The more pain, the more outward cruelty is displayed as a form of release instead of being used for transfiguration.
There can only be an expression of unkindness when we aren’t present to ourselves, because in blindness, we have given power of attorney to the past which then gives the past free reign to speak and act for us. When we remain present in the moment and wait for guidance, the response and action taken will be from kindness because awareness is incapable of harming itself.
We are all part of the one consciousness, and the fire that we hold “people’s feet” to, is the fire that we reap first in the pain of that holding. That’s just how it works. Feel the truth of that if you would.
We need to continue to work at seeing and observing instead of reacting and punishing others. In observation, we see that we all live from the very same unkind nature, just in different levels. We can’t dismiss any of it, it’s all inside each and every one of us. We are just blind to how our consciousness operates, that’s all.
It’s time to wake up and see that pointing the finger at others is a vicious cycle of pain that goes nowhere. Pointing the finger guarantees that the pain in this consciousness remains unreconciled and as such, becomes more pronounced in both the individual and the collective world.
Is that the kind of world we want to continue living in, a world of escalating pain?
We need to be the change that we wish to see in the world, plain and simple. The right revolution is always an inside job.
Exercise for the week: The more we share these ideas with our children, the more inclined they will be to turn inward and see the similarity in themselves instead of blaming and pointing the finger outward. This is the only way we can have compassion for “others.” We must first see how we act from the very same part of ourselves even though are true wish is not to do so.