Have you considered how lighter your life might be for you and your child if you were to always do the right thing in the moment, no matter the consequence?
A need arises in the moment for me to speak up about something, yet I don’t because I don’t want to lose that relationship with that person.
A need arises in the moment for me to do something that I truly don’t want to do but know that I should, and I don't do it because I believe my child will never speak to me again.
A need arises in the moment for me to walk away from a relationship because it is toxic and harmful to me, but I don’t because I don’t know what my life will be without that person in it.
A need arises in the moment for me to explore my career opportunities to help my family which would entail leaving my current job, but I don’t because the security of my current job makes me feel comfortable and safe. On and on it goes…
What is it, inside of us, that is always there to instantaneously rescue us in those trying moments? Well, it has several names - “the excuse maker”, “the justifier”, “the enabler”, “the co-dependent nature.”
The problem is that this so-called rescuer (or whatever name you wish to give it) is the same as the destroyer of our possibilities, but we don’t see it as the harmful nature that it is. We just simply feel we have no other choice because the alternative seems just too painful and frightening.
I remember as a teenager, the idea of taking a risk, taking chances, really appealed to me. However, there was also a part of me that was scared to take those risks because it cared what people thought of me and it wanted people to like and approve of me. That identification stood in the way of many things that I wished to pursue in my life along the way.
The most shocking and revelatory thing that I have learned is that whatever people “think” of you, is not truly them thinking. How crazy does that sound? How open are you to listen to a new idea that is truly freeing?
Thought passes through our minds like clouds in the sky. We are intended to observe them. If thoughts are identified with, they are identified with by an unconscious part of us that doesn’t even know that the identification is taking place. That’s why I say that it’s not “you” who are identifying with a thought such as “oh my Gosh, I can’t believe she did that”. It is thought identifying with itself without you being present to it.
I know that sounds crazy to some, but it is literally the truth. That is also the explanation as to why we have these unwanted moments in our lives.
Those very identified images that were taking place without our attention, come to the surface in order to be seen and reconciled. That is why they shock us.
We weren’t “there” (attention wise) when the identification was taking place so when they come to the surface in these unwanted moments, it is a shock to us. Those shocks are intended to be wake-up calls. If we don’t become attentive in the moment of that shock, then that same identified image that came up to be reconciled, will then reidentify with itself and go back underground, just to come around again for another visit.
If we truly understand that, then doing the right thing when the moment calls for it, is imperative because there is no way around it. Do we really want it to come back around again more amplified and painful?? How do you know that you will not be rewarded in ways you cannot imagine by doing something that is the most difficult thing for you to do or walk away from?
This is great news because in understanding what I am sharing, we can learn to come awake in those unwanted moments and let that unconscious identification be reconciled instead of resisting it.
As a parent or caregiver, there are plenty of unwanted moments we experience being around children, but what our minds tell us in those moments is never truly the meaning of that moment, so we must remember that in order to help our children. The meaning has to be given to us in that exact moment from something above us in order for something new to be brought into this world. Otherwise, things just remain the same.
What a true blessing we could give our children by being something different in those unwanted moments instead of remaining the same old reactive self.
What a true blessing we could give our children by always doing the right thing in the moment, no matter the feared consequence. That’s the true definition of a warrior.
Eventually as we work, we become aware of the fact that almost every moment of Life is resisted by a reactive self. In seeing that, we work to let go and walk through as much as we are able to without condemning ourselves for missing the mark.
The more we give ourselves to the light of awareness above ourselves, the more light we receive in our lives. We are basically nothing without that light.
Exercise for the Week: This week, as much as possible, do what you don’t want to do. If there is a need to say something but something in you fears saying it, walk through that moment and say it. If there is something that you don’t want to do, walk through that moment and do it.