I remember as a child always comparing my friend's parents to my own. I believed one of my friends had the best parents because they allowed her to stay up late at night. I believed one of my friends had the best parents because they bought her the coolest things that she herself had asked for. I believed one of my friends had the best parents because she could talk to them about anything, as if they were her best friends.
Each of us has our own definition of what we believe would make the best parents. But what exactly does "best" mean? We must be honest with ourselves in asking that question, because the best defined by certain parts of ourselves can mean anything that fulfills everything we want, and not everything we need.
My friend that was allowed to stay up late at night had a terribly hard time getting up in the morning for school and struggled through classes. My friend that had parents that bought her most of the things she wanted, tended to throw hissy fits when things didn't go her way in life. My friend that had parents that she could talk to about anything, developed a tendency in enabling others.
We truly don't know what best is. Left to ourselves, all we can do is define best based on our identified wants.
I remember when I first came upon a real truth teacher named Guy Finley. There was a certain want in me for him to be a certain type of father figure that was defined in my own mind. A father figure that would put his arm around me and tell me everything was ok. A father figure that would basically coddle me and support me in every way.
That's what a strong part of me wanted, but that wasn't what I needed in order to see those parts of myself that were hindering my spiritual growth. A real parental figure (such as Guy Finley), doesn't cater to the wanting self. Why? Because the wanting self is just a figment of our imagination. If that figment of our imagination is catered to, then the very belief that we lack something is strengthened.
In truth, we are given all that we need moment to moment. We are already perfectly whole and complete. The trick, as always, is that we must be present in order to truly know and understand that. We must give of ourselves in order to receive that higher understanding.
There is ONE true parent in this world. We (humanity) are the children of that parent. That true parent never ceases to try to reach us in every single moment of our lives, to guide us, to make something new of us, and to meet our every need. It is we who prefer to play make believe so that we can always feel that others have it better or worse than us. It is we who prefer to play make believe so that we can always feel that others are smarter or more creative than us. The list goes on and on.
The bottom line is that it is we who have chosen to play "outside" of the present moment, and in that unconscious choice, we end up parenting ourselves, giving ourselves our own answers to the moment. We give ourselves what we want, all the the while the true parent is trying to reach us to give us what we need to ail our broken hearts.
Comparing ourselves in any way to others is a waste of vital energy.
We all have something unique to contribute to this world. We can't know what that contribution is when we are busy filling and giving ourselves everything we want.
That unique contribution has to be revealed by the true parent, and it can't be revealed by the true parent until the child is ready and willing to receive it. The child has to agree to set down childish things such as make believing it knows what is needed in any given moment.
Work with your child to help him or her understand that there exists The Best Parent within each and every human being. Help them learn to find that parent within themselves by working to live in the present moment, and in doing so, they will come to find their unique role in this universe.
That would be the definition of The Best Parents because those parents would agree to live in a place of humility, acknowledging that they of themselves, don't know what they or their child truly needs. A relinquishment of control is given to something higher than themselves. They parent through higher guidance instead of parenting from past parts of themselves.
Hands down, that's the best.
Image courtesy of: Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels