As parents, I feel it’s really important to see how there is a part of us that wish to include our children in everything we do, every aspect of our lives. There is a part of us that feels that it creates a closer relationship with them. However, we must always be aware of what our children are unconsciously “picking up” from our very actions and words.
When I had my nanny business in the Denver metropolitan area, I cared for an 8-year-old boy for a few days. This child knew every aspect of his family’s personal business (and I mean every aspect). I asked him how he knew what he was sharing with me. He responded by saying that his parents shared everything with him – that they kept no secrets.
I had not asked this child about his family’s personal business, but yet there he was sharing it with me. We have to ask ourselves why would any young child need to know personal aspects of their parent’s life? There is no need to know that. In fact, it can actually create undo stress in the child because they don’t necessarily have certain points of reference in which to assimilate the information.
Shortly after that child shared that information with me, my phone rang. It was my doctor’s office verifying my appointment for the next day. After I hung up the phone, that young boy asked me who it was that called me. I told him, in a kind and gentle way, that it was none of his business. That brought up a disturbance in him. Why the disturbance?
Because that young boy had learned through his parents that it is customary for people to share their personal information, personal business with each other. That belief isn’t limited to just his family. That belief carries itself out into life. That child will have unconscious expectations of his friends, his teachers and acquaintances that will create a desire for him to become a nosy human being.
Just this morning, a friend of mine asked me if I went to the market yesterday. Truthfully speaking, that was none of his business. If he was asking me because he saw a product there and wanted to share that information with me, then you can see that there was a practical reason for that question. However, he did no such thing. He just wanted to see, nose into my business, if I had been there.
I can feel some of you rolling your eyes at this, but it’s true whether we want to see the truth of it or not.
We effortlessly answer people when they ask questions that are none of their business. Why? Because we are afraid to say “Sorry, that’s none of your business.” Why are we afraid to say that? Because our minds tell us that we will lose something if we do that. Isn’t that interesting? It tells us we will lose something if we do the right thing
What could we possibly lose by doing the right thing?
What we lose in doing the right thing, is a part of ourselves that has always feared doing the right thing. How great is that! And that is the whole kicker here… Those are the moments that we need to do what is right instead of listen to what fear tells us we will lose in that moment.
Growing up, we, together with my cousins, visited my grandparent’s house often. My grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles spoke Polish so that we kids wouldn’t listen in on their conversation. I can look back on that now and really respect that choice they made.
There were many moments in that environment wherein a part of me wanted to know what they were talking about. What is it in us that wants to know something that isn’t our business?
It’s something in us that wants to make EVERYTHING its business. You see, the more “business” our individual natures unconsciously take in (absorb), the more our mind can keep itself busy in thought wondering about other people and their business, instead of remaining in the present moment. What a great gig for that mind, right? The more “scoop” it has, the more food it feeds itself with – which is really no food at all.
Because it is a hungry ghost that can never be satisfied. It always wants more of itself to keep itself occupied with, comforted with.
Many years ago, parents didn’t share personal business with their children. Today, they do. Why do you suppose that changed?
Continued pressure over the years by the nosey nature in us to acquiesce to its demands and continued unconscious agreement to feed that very hungry ghost.
It is difficult to go against those identified parts of ourselves in the moment, but it’s not impossible. It is an absolute necessity if we want things to change in this world.
You are that warrior to be the vessel of change. Doing the right thing in the moment it is called for IS your business. Nothing else is….
Exercise for the Week: See if you can catch yourself wanting to answer a question that someone asks you that is none of their business. Respond to them from a right part of yourself. In other words, say what you want to say, whether it be “that’s none of your business” or “I’d rather not answer that”, from kindness and a non-judgmental part of yourself.