I Hate You!
Three words that many parents have heard at one time or another from sibling to sibling, or from child to parent - "I Hate You!"
It is difficult not to take a statement such as that personally, especially when it comes from our child. We must learn more about what is really taking place in that moment so that any unconscious manifestation that is spewed, such as "I hate you", isn't taken personally.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of those words from your child? What thoughts were trigged in you at that moment? "Oh my God, my own child hates me. What did I do wrong? I can't believe I'm hearing this. I have to make things ok or he/she will hate me forever." Identifying with that dialogue is what it means to "take things personally."
Here's a quick question. If a co-worker uttered those same three words to you, wouldn't it trigger similar dialogue as well? Yes it would, and that dialogue would be based, of course, on our past experience and level of identification with what we believe that person represents to us.
The bottom line is that without being present to ourselves, the past parts of ourselves simply use our mouths to do harm and that harm can be disguised in many different ways. This is something that is taking place all the time until we can learn to remain present to ourselves where we speak from a higher level of consciousness that can't harm itself or another. Until then, harmful words and actions will always be taken in one form or another.
Isn't it interesting that we can easily forgive our child for saying those three words, yet something in us will hold on to resentment of that co-worker who spewed the same? Why is that? In both instances, the spewing of those three words came from the same source - a part of ourselves that speaks unknowingly from pain - so why the difficulty in forgiving them? It only appears to be more difficult to forgive one person over another because of the value we have placed on that relationship in our life and what it means to us.
If we can understand that all negativity is pain - anger, unkindness, selfishness, resentment and the like, and stems simply from a lack of awareness in the moment (not being present to ourselves even though it may "appear" otherwise), then and only then can we move into a place of compassion for others instead of constant condemnation and judgment of them.
We come to see that it makes no sense to respond to "pain" with "pain."
Then no matter the value we have placed on any relationship in our life, forgiveness isn't measured through that value, but is instantaneously understood and given freely and equally.
Photo by Malicki M Beser on Unsplash