What's the first thing that goes through most of our minds when we see a mom with a young child in hand board the plane that we are on? "Oh great...a crying baby" Isn't it interesting how something in us automatically and instantaneously assumes and believes it knows that that child is going to make our flight unbearable.
I'm not saying it is fun to listen to a screaming or crying child on a 4 hour flight, but a good thing for us to ask in a situation such as that might be "what can I do to help?"
Let's consider the idea of energy and the flow of it. A baby starts to cry (let's say) because the pressure in his or her ears is very painful in the high elevation. The minute the crying starts, the passengers in the plane typically resist (push away) that energy. The inner and outer complaining starts, as well as the disdainful looks directed at the parent.
In other words, most of us essentially cry back in the moment. We may not have tears falling from our eyes or painful sounds coming from our mouths in that moment, but interiorly, there is a crying out.
In that resistance, in that pushing away, the energy is negatively increased in that child and in everyone on that plane. Guy Finley puts it this way "What you resist, persists."
What we want to understand is how we can be of help in situations such as that....how we can use the energy properly (for good) instead of improperly (adding to negativity). Here are a few ways:
a) Notice the tension in yourself in the moment when the crying starts. Work to open yourself up instead of allowing that tension to tighten you down.
b) Notice how your attention is continually taken away and directed toward the crying child. Hmmm. How can that happen if I, in fact, am in command of myself?
c) Work to remember in that moment (and all moments for that matter) that Life isn't about accommodating me, but is actually always working to reveal to me negative parts of myself through these kinds of events.
d) Check back in with yourself often and you will see how tension creeps in most of the time unknowingly on our part.
e) Watch for the part of you that always believes it knows what others should do or how they should be. In this instance, watch for the part of you that believes it knows what the parent should do to stop their child from crying. If we observe those parts of ourselves instead of placing our attention on them, the energy of the event will change because we have done our part in helping it change.
I used a crying child on an airplane as an example here, but you can really replace any unwanted moment in your life and (a) through (e) apply.
Your spouse blames you for something that you did not do. Notice the tension in yourself in that moment. Work to open yourself up so that you don't speak or respond from that tension. Notice how your attention is continually on what he or she blamed you for and how your mind is swirling around with negative thoughts about your spouse or about what may happen as a result of the event. Work to remember that all events serve to reveal to us negative parts of ourselves that we can see in no other way except by having them triggered in us by others.
Check back with yourself often (inwardly) to make sure that tension isn't given a home in you.
Lastly, regardless of whether our spouse says something right or wrong about us, our first job should always be to watch the part of us that is triggered that believes it knows how they should or shouldn't behave and that always has a reason to cry when the moment doesn't match its idea of how it should unfold.
The bottom line is that he or she couldn't have been or done any different in that moment or they certainly would have - and that is true for each and every one of us that walk this planet.
That doesn't mean we don't communicate with our spouse about the event. It means that we don't allow blame or any negativity to guide that communication.