"Because You Hurt Me"
Children fight all the time. They hit each other. They say mean things to each other. They are supposed to learn “naturally” about themselves through relationship with others.
But what happens when those children become 40 or 50 years of age and are still doing the very same thing? Fighting with others all the time, saying mean things to each other, and “hitting” each other with inward and outward negativity.
It’s pretty crazy that with all the advancements that have been made in this world, as far as the psychological department, we remain as preschoolers.
Why?
Because “you” hurt “me.”
The identified belief in those four words is at the root of all the needless pain and suffering in this world. It has, in fact, created the “hyper-sensitive” individual that is disturbed by any little thing that touches it in the “wrong” way.
The belief that others harm us when they say something we don’t like, or don’t listen to what we ask of them, is as old as time.
Isn’t it shocking that we haven’t seen through that game yet? Haven’t seen through its endless taunting and temptation? Haven’t seen through the harm it does to ourselves and others in holding onto that belief?
How can such a deep-seated belief remain in our collective consciousness for so long without being seen for what it is – an untruth?
It remains there because it has remained unquestioned, like many other things in this world. A person has to see, for themselves, the futility of anger, of blame, resentment and the like. A person has to see how it never accomplishes anything and that the momentary expression of that energy (or the “holding on” to it), hurts not only the person expressing it, but the person to whom it is directed AND the entire consciousness that we all share a part in.
Agreeing to express that negative energy is the same as asking (praying) for more events that will trigger it once again.
Why would there be such a hidden spiritual law you ask?
Well, Life never ceases to try to get through to us, to have us “question” what we have always believed to be the “only way” to see an unwanted event.
Is there another way to see unwanted events?
There certainly is.
That’s where you as parents play a vital role in helping your child cut the ties to the old beliefs and instead, work to bring something new into this world.
How?
Well, how do we break any old habit? We don’t break a habit by turning to something else to take its place. We don’t break a habit by resisting it, not wanting it to be there. We don’t break a habit by pretending that we broke it.
We simply need to become aware of the old tendency in us that wants to use the energy in that unwanted moment for destructive purposes instead of for constructive purposes.
What is a constructive purpose?
To use that negative energy in a different, useful way through the conscious suffering of it. That is the one and only way to bring something new into this world.
We will miss the mark time and time again. But each time we are aware of the fact that we missed the mark (believing YOU hurt ME), the energy of that negativity will have changed through that awareness. And so each time an event comes to trigger that negativity, there will be a little more awareness there to help you remember your new wish.
Ultimately what you will discover from your efforts, is that the “Because You Hurt Me” belief was a belief that you didn’t give yourself. You inherited it when you came into this world. The anger, rage, resentment that comes up in any of us isn’t “because” of someone else. It is something that we were given responsibility for tending to when we entered into this world.
When we see and truly understand our responsibility, the “Because You Hurt Me” turns into gratitude “Because you HELPED me" - Because YOU helped me see the anger and rage inside me that I could see in no other way without it being triggered by you. It was hiding deep down inside me and I NEEDED you to help me become aware of it.
Others pull the trigger, but what arises in us is our responsibility. Do we want to keep repeating old painful patterns of blame, anger and resentment, or do we want to become responsible human beings and agree to see the contents that are buried deep within our consciousness so that they can be reconciled.
As always, it’s your choice. Choose wisely.
Image courtesy of: Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
Exercise for the Week: When you see your children fighting and blaming each other, getting angry with each other, sit them down and talk about these ideas. Share with them that there is another way. It doesn’t matter if it appears that they don’t understand what you are saying, you continue to seed something new in their minds nonetheless.