Have you ever felt it difficult to be completely honest with yourself?
It is a very difficult thing to be willing to see our underlying motives when it comes to the actions that we take or for having the relationships that we do in life.
What motivates a person to lie in the moment or not do what should be done?
My boss crosses the line with something he said or did that needs addressing, but no action is taken by me because something in me is fearful of losing my job or what I might be made into if I actually agree to confront him.
I’m searching on the internet and get distracted. Suddenly there is a realization that an appointment was missed that I had promised I would keep. Instead of simply being truthful about what happened, a made-up excuse comes out of my mouth because something in me is fearful of what that person might think of me or that they may never ask to meet with me again.
My child did something that really hurt me, but I don’t share that with them because something in me is fearful of losing my relationship with them if they “take it the wrong way.”
What is the common thread in the examples I have laid out above? The answer is they all contain a threatening motivation, reasons why we feel we can’t be completely honest in the moment.
What motivates us to immediately acquiesce to such a threat?
Fear is the motivating factor. Fear supplies the supposed “threat to us”, and then fear identifies with the very reasons it gives itself – all through the use of our attention.
When that fearful part of us answers the moment for us, the moment is always answered dishonestly. Fear always threatens us with loss, that we will lose something if we don’t listen to what it tells us to do.
We are so used to just going along with fear’s threats and reasons because we believe that we are that voice of fear that speaks to us in those moments.
It feels like us, because we have believed it to be us for so long, but it’s not us. It’s fear that threatens, using our own voice.
In order to be a free, a totally free human being, we have to agree to not only be 100% honest with ourselves in every moment, but we must become aware of what is motivating us to not only take the actions that we take in any given moment, but to also be honest about the relationships in our life.
The good news is that any dark discoveries that we make within ourselves in being honest with ourselves in the moment, are only dark until light is shone upon them. That’s the whole point. Darkness is really only the absence of light.
A dark discovery can be something such as seeing that our motive for maintaining certain relationships in our lives is because we want something from those people, whether it be their generous dinner invitations, their connections to certain people that would enhance our own lives, or simply that we don’t want to be seen by others as a “bad parent.”
If darkness is really only the absence of light, then what is there to fear?
There is simply a need for illumination of these dark parts of ourselves– for them to be seen and not resisted. That’s why 100% honesty is the only way for us to see these unconscious parts that have been buried in us for so long, for in that honesty is the agreement to see them.
Honesty and self-understanding then become the right motivation.
In living from a right motivation, we live from a natural, pure essence of ourselves that meets the moment with its peaceful contentment and honesty.
When we are motivated by fear, we unknowingly live from dark images we have of ourselves, and as such, resistance, negativity and dishonesty is what meets the moment instead.
In the truest of sense, we have to be willing to do the right thing no matter what fear tells us we will lose in the moment, because after all, the only thing that we truly lose in any unwanted moment if we agree to do so, is a dark image we have of ourselves that has kept us remaining dishonest human beings…..and that is truly no loss at all if you can see it.
If you agree to this kind of self-honesty and motivation in your day to day life, your child will learn that as well. After all, you are their greatest teacher.
Image courtesy of: Cottonbro on Pexels
Exercise for the Week: See if you can catch yourself acting from a motive of fear, whether it be saying yes to something that you really want to say no to, or whether it be and agreement to do something so that you can be seen in a certain “light”, instead of doing it because you truly want to do it.