It's no wonder that all of us are a bit crazy in one respect or another. We don't see how, most of the time, our words and actions negatively effect everyone and everything. Additionally, we refuse to see certain things about ourselves and, as such, we "cover those parts up." Trying to hide parts of ourselves is the definition of "CRA-CRA."
Hiding is a temporary escape. Why? Because it is impossible to escape ourselves. Eventually, we have to face the truth of ourselves, as painful as it may be. That is spiritual law, a law that when broken, results in the "CRA-CRA" you see playing out in the world today.
We don't understand that when we tell a child to stop being mean, we are essentially telling them to stop being who they are in that moment.
We don't understand that when we tell a child to stop throwing a fit, we are telling them to stop feeling what they are feeling in that moment.
And so we all grow up believing we should be other than what we are. We grow up feeling inadquate. We grow up wanting other's approval. We grow up pretending to be anything but ourselves.
The way in which we can help our children is to share with them that each and every one of us is made up of different parts, from the darkest to the lightest, none of which are bad in and of themselves. We can share with our children that in any given moment, they have a different option other than to just blindly agree to be the instrument of a reactive self.
What I mean by "blindly agree" is that typically there is simply an "automatic" reaction without consideration of what part we might be speaking or acting from. When there is an "automatic" reaction without consideration, it is simply a part of ourselves acting on its own accord.
It takes time to learn something new, to learn something different and to not continue to just be a reactive self. It takes slowing down. It takes pausing before responding and waiting for higher guidance that doesn't harm anyone or anything. It takes the suffering of ourselves. The good news is that the more we practice slowing down and pausing, the more something in us will remind us to do so in those "trying" moments.
Nobody would consciously choose to be mean, angry or resentful. That's a tell that the parts of us that we automatically speak and act from are unconscious in nature. Being an instrument of an unconsciousness nature is what brings harm into this world. It is unconsciousness that knows not what it does. True consciousness will not and cannot harm itself.
All of this is helpful information for our interactions with others. When we see a child's friend (or anyone) acting from meanness, we come to understand that that child or person could not do any better in that moment. The "meanness" was chosen for that child (or person) by an unconscious part of them that acted on their behalf. We can then share with our own child something like "Did you see how part of "Johnny" (or "that person") acted for him, how it acted from meanness? Can you see how there is always an opportunity to make a different choice in a moment such as that if we agree to pause and allow those parts of ourselves to fall away?
There is such inner conflict in oneself when we pretend to be something we claim we are not or don't want to be. Guy Finley, a truth teacher, recently put it this way:
"Let me ask you “how can I be non-violent” unless in the moment when somebody says something or the world does what it does, that in that same moment, I’m not filled with some kind of violence? Where does it occur to me to be non-violent other than in the moment when violence erupts in me? Why else would I think to myself that I want to be non-violent. Why would I think that I have to be tolerant, unless in the moment there’s no tolerance in me at all.
Can I even attempt to be kind without something in me telling me “you know what, you are about to be unkind and you better not be unkind.” So, you better not be violent, you better not be unkind, you better be tolerant, and all of that is coming forth, an issuance from this consciousness that is in conflict with itself and trying to avoid the conflict in itself, the disturbance in itself, by manifesting the image of what I am identified with as being superior to what my actual identity is like in that moment."
We must see our actual condition without denying it. For those of you who like scripture "Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are those who mourn. No one is good save the Father."
We need to stop pretending. We need to stop telling our children (and everyone) to not to be this way or to not to be that way. We simply need to show our children a different way to be by being a living example of something different.
A reactive self creates yet another reactive self. We've been negatively reacting to the moment (to what we don't want) since we took a body, and it won't stop until we agree to face ourselves.
We need to see that we are all CRA-CRA when we refuse to see the truth of ourselves and when we let an unconscious part of us speak and act on our behalf. And maybe if we truly agree to see that, something will finally change in this world....
....for the better.